Not All Sharks: Understanding Power, Privilege, and the Urge to Defend

There’s a phrase that always seems to stir up strong feelings: “all men.”

When people hear it, the knee-jerk response is often, “Not all men!”—as if we need to clarify that not every single man is causing harm. But here’s the thing: we already know that. No one is saying every individual man is doing harmful things. What we’re actually talking about is the system—how all men exist within a structure that gives them power. And that power, collectively, causes harm.

Let me put it this way.

Let’s say someone says, “Be careful going into the water over there—there are sharks. Sharks are dangerous.” You wouldn’t say, “Not all sharks,” right? Even though you know some sharks are completely harmless. Like the basking shark, who has no teeth and just eats plankton. That’s my kind of shark.

But when I’m in the water, I’m not stopping to play marine biologist. I’m not out there going, “Which shark is that? Is it a basking shark or a great white?” No. I’m just getting out of the water. It’s a survival instinct.

It’s the same when we talk about men. Or white people. Or Christians. Harm comes from those groups, and often on a systemic level. And those groups aren’t marginalized for being men or white or Christian—they hold power. So when someone says, “Cis, straight white men are the number one perpetrators of child abuse,” and the response is “Not all men,” it’s redundant. Yeah, we know that.

But here’s the kicker: because cis, straight white men hold the most power, they’re also the ones best positioned to change the system. That’s the point.

And here’s the part that’s helped me the most: don’t make it personal. When I read something like “men do this” or “white people do that,” I don’t jump to defend myself. I’m non-binary, but I still have a lot of male privilege. I could say, “Not me! I’m a basking shark! I have no teeth!” But that doesn’t help.

What helps is thinking: They’re not specifically talking about me—but I still exist within this system, and I haven’t done enough to change it.

That’s where we begin.
By not taking it personally.
By not needing everything to be about us.

Sometimes we’re just meant to sit with the information, reflect, and ask ourselves:
Where do I fit into this? How can I do better?

It’s not about guilt—it’s about growth.