Never Trust Anyone Who Says, “Don’t Tell Your Parents”

We all agree: adults should never tell children to keep secrets from their parents. That’s Stranger Danger 101. But let’s be real—teachers aren’t assigning new genders to kids and conspiring to hide it from parents. What’s actually happening is that teachers are respecting students.

Think about it—when I was a kid, I told my teacher, “Hey, Mrs. Miller, I don’t like the name Christopher. Can you call me Chris?” She didn’t rush to call my parents in a panic. She just respected my request. When I played in the toy kitchen, no one dialed home to report that I was enjoying pretend cooking. These moments weren’t a big deal. They were acts of respect, and they still are today.

When a Child Says, “Please Don’t Tell My Parents”

Now, let’s talk about what happens when a child says, “Mrs. Miller, I’d like to go by Chris instead of Christopher. But please don’t tell my parents—I’m scared they’ll be upset.” That’s a serious concern. The first response should not be an automatic call to the parents; it should be a professional assessment of the child’s well-being.

At the heart of this debate is one question: Do you respect a child’s identity, and do you love them unconditionally? Based on the anti-2SLGBTQIA+ protests and hate-filled signs we’ve seen, the unfortunate answer from some is a resounding no. Many of these protests have shown clear efforts to suppress children, denying them the space to explore and express who they truly are.

What Gender-Affirming Care in Schools Actually Looks Like

The examples I shared—changing a name, choosing preferred pronouns, playing with certain toys—are all forms of gender-affirming care. This care isn’t about hormones or surgery; for prepubescent children, it’s entirely social. It’s about letting kids be themselves, just like Mrs. Miller did for me in 1986.

The only difference between then and now is that we have a name for it: gender-affirming care. And let’s be clear—just because it was affirming for me doesn’t mean it applies to every child. Some kids play with trucks, some kids play dress-up, and some just have fun.

So do we really want teachers making a phone call every time a child picks up a Lego? “Hello, Mrs. Joan? Yes, Debbie is playing with the blue Legos again. I know they’re supposed to be for boys. Just thought you should know because the government told me I had to.”

Sounds ridiculous, right? That’s because it is.

Let’s stop pretending this is a crisis. Let’s start respecting kids. That’s what it’s really all about.