Q&A: Supporting Your Trans Child: A Guide for Parents

Jackie asks: Our youngest is trans. I am fully supportive, but he still feels like I’m not. Any advice on how to handle this?

Jackie, first of all—thank you for being the kind of parent who shows up, asks questions, and wants to do better. That alone makes a world of difference. Supporting a trans child is a journey, and while your love and acceptance are unwavering, your child may still feel like you’re not fully there yet. That’s tough, but it’s also normal. As a trans person who was once a trans kid—and one who was lucky enough to have supportive parents—I have four things I want you to consider.

1. Your Kid Needs Support, But So Do You

Your child is going through something you haven’t experienced and probably never will. That doesn’t mean you can’t support them, but it does mean you might need your own support system. Look into parent support groups in your area—PFLAG is a great option. And please, don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist who specializes in 2SLGBTQIA+ issues. If you’re in Canada, Our Landing Place is an amazing collective of queer-affirming counselors I’ve personally worked with. Wherever you are, seek out professionals who understand this experience. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

2. Remember, They’re Still a Kid

I don’t know how old your youngest is, but one thing is for sure: being trans doesn’t cancel out being a kid. They’re still learning how to process emotions, communicate, and navigate the world. And let’s be real—sometimes, being a kid (especially a teenager) means being a total nightmare, no matter their gender identity.

I was that kid. My mom once told me, “Chris, if you go to therapy, I will buy you that pet bunny you’ve been asking for.” My response? I’ll just wait until I move out to get a bunny! (For the record, I now have five. So, I won that battle.) The point is, your child’s feelings about your support might not be about you at all—it could just be regular growing-up angst. Be patient with them.

3. It’s Not About You

You might be the most enthusiastic, supportive parent in the world—wearing the trans flag, making blue, pink, and white cupcakes, ready to march in every Pride parade. That’s incredible! But it might not be what your child needs. Allyship isn’t about how you see yourself—it’s about what they need from you.

And here’s the tricky part: they may not know what they need yet. They may not have the words to express it. They may not be ready to talk. Your job is to create an open, pressure-free space where they feel safe to share when they are ready. Let them take the lead.

4. Just Be There

I’m 44 years old, and I know my mother will never fully “get” what it means to be trans. She’s cisgender and straight—it’s not her lived experience. But every time I call, she picks up the phone. Every time I need her, she’s there. And when she sees the comments I get online? She transforms into a great Canadian grizzly bear, ready to defend her favorite child. (Yes, Mom, I said it. I’m the favorite.)

You don’t have to understand everything perfectly. You just have to show up. Keep showing up. Keep listening. Keep learning. That’s what makes a great parent.

Jackie, thank you for being the kind of parent we all need. Your child is lucky to have you. Sending love to your whole family.