Sex, Gender, and Sexuality—Let’s Talk About Beds

We’ve all heard the confusion: “Isn’t sex and gender the same thing?” or “Why do pronouns even matter?” Instead of diving into a complicated explanation, let’s make it simple. Think of a bed. Because if there’s one thing we all understand, it’s bedtime.

1. Gender: Who You Go to Bed As

Your gender is who you are when you lay down at night. It’s not about your body—it’s about how your brain understands you. Are you a man? A woman? Non-binary? Something else entirely? That’s your gender.

It’s not a choice, and no one else gets to decide it for you.

2. Gender Expression: What You Wear to Bed

Your gender expression is how you present yourself to the world—kind of like picking your pajamas.

Maybe you sleep in a dinosaur tee. Maybe you wear an oversized hoodie. Maybe you love a matching silk pajama set.

What you wear to bed doesn’t change who you are in bed—just like how someone dresses doesn’t change their gender identity.

3. Pronouns: Who’s in the Bed

Your pronouns are how people refer to you—kind of like who’s physically in the bed with you. Maybe it’s just you. Maybe it’s you and your cat. Either way, the bed itself hasn’t changed—just like your gender doesn’t change based on the pronouns someone uses.

And if someone keeps calling your cat a dog, they’re just wrong. Same thing with pronouns.

4. Sex: What You Bring to Bed

Your sex is about biology—your physical traits, chromosomes, and how your body developed.

People are typically assigned male, female, or intersex at birth based on these traits, but sex is more complex than just two categories.

Sex does not determine gender. While some people’s gender aligns with their assigned sex, others experience a disconnect between the two. Medical and scientific research recognize that sex is not strictly binary, and variations exist naturally in human biology.

Your sex is just one part of you—it doesn’t define who you are, how you express yourself, or who you love.

5. Sexuality: Who You Go to Bed With (or Without)

Your sexuality is who you’re attracted to—or if you’re attracted to anyone at all.

Maybe you share your bed with men, women, non-binary people—or maybe your bed is gloriously empty, and that’s exactly how you like it.

Who you love (or don’t) and who you are are two completely different things—just like gender and sexuality are separate.

Why This Matters

Understanding the difference between sex, gender, pronouns, and sexuality isn’t about being “woke”—it’s about respecting people for who they are.

So next time someone asks you, “Isn’t sex and gender the same thing?” or “Why do pronouns matter?” just tell them:

"It’s like bedtime—you are who you are, you wear what makes you comfortable, people should refer to you correctly when they wish you a ‘goodnight,’ what you bring to bed is just part of you, and who you go to bed with (or without) is your business."