Pride vs. Safety: The Reality of Navigating the World as a Queer Person

The Weight of a Simple Choice

Most of the time, I am proud, confident, and unafraid. I stand up for myself, hoping that someone will see me and feel inspired. But the truth is, I don’t always get to be that person. Sometimes, I have to choose safety over pride.

Today, I put on my favorite lipstick—it made me feel good. I was meeting other Canadian TikTok creators for the first time, and our dinner was filled with laughter, joy, and the comfort of being around people who let me be me. But after I said my goodbyes, I realized I needed gas. And that’s when it hit me.

I pulled into a gas station and thought: What if someone here doesn’t take kindly to my lipstick?

So, I wiped it off.

Why We Make These Choices

When I shared this experience online, so many well-meaning people told me, “Don’t change for anyone. Be yourself!” I love the sentiment, but queer people don’t always have that luxury. We don’t just move through the world as individuals—we constantly calculate risk.

• Is this the safest place for me right now?

• Will this outfit or makeup make me a target?

• If something happens, will I be able to get out of here safely?

Sometimes, safety wins over self-expression.

And then, a comment stopped me in my tracks:

“If I were there, I would go in with you. You deserve an entourage.”

It was such a simple statement, but it reminded me of a time in my life when I actually had an entourage. And I might not be here today without them.

The Night My Friends Saved Me

I grew up with the best girlfriends a queer kid could ask for—my ride-or-dies since kindergarten. In high school, they had my back in ways I didn’t even realize until much later.

One night, we went to a bush party—you know the type. An abandoned lot, something on fire, bad decisions waiting to happen. It was around Halloween, so naturally, I thought it was a costume party (it wasn’t). I showed up in my puffy vest, dark circles under my eyes, committed to my look as a “90’s GAP model.”

And then, I saw them.

A group of guys from school—the ones who terrorized me. The ones who, when they looked at me, radiated pure anger at my existence. It wasn’t just bullying. It was hatred.

I tried to ignore them, to blend in. But suddenly, my friends surrounded me. Without a word, they formed a protective circle, shuffled me to my car, and got me out of there.

At Taco Bell (our safe haven), they told me the truth:

Those guys had planned to drag me into the woods and leave me there to die.

That could have been me. But because my friends saw the danger before I did, I was safe. Someone else at my school—someone without that same protection—wasn’t so lucky. He was attacked. He almost died.

Be Someone’s Entourage

I was lucky to have people who cared enough to step in before things got dangerous. Not everyone gets that. And for those who don’t, an act of solidarity—a small show of protection—can be life-changing.

So to those who stand beside their queer friends, who walk with them into spaces that feel unsafe, who make sure they’re never left alone in the face of hate—thank you. You don’t have to do this for me. But if you’re doing it for someone who needs it, you are making a difference.

And to my friends who have been there since day one—I love you. I will never stop loving you.