I Don’t Like Star Wars: A Childhood Memory That Shaped Me
When I was seven, a girl in my class gave me a Star Wars toy for my birthday. I opened it, looked at the crowd of expectant faces, and confidently declared, “I don’t like Star Wars.” The room fell silent. The adults’ expressions told me I had just made a mistake.
That moment stuck with me for life. My OCD convinced me that I was a terrible person for not just smiling and saying thank you. For years, I thought I was a sociopath for failing to accept a gift “properly.”
Now, I understand it differently. It was likely autism and my difficulty with social cues—I genuinely didn’t know what I had done wrong. Looking back, I also recognize that this moment may have triggered my gender dysphoria. As a non-binary kid, I gravitated toward toys like Popples and My Little Ponies, not action figures from a galaxy far, far away.
That might have been the moment I started masking—hiding parts of myself to fit in. I didn’t understand why my words were wrong, but I knew they weren’t acceptable.
Self-discovery is a lifelong journey. Understanding ourselves means learning to love ourselves. And for that, I’m grateful.
