The Flawed Lesson of Sameness

Growing up in the ’80s and ’90s, I was taught that everyone is the same and should be treated the same. It sounds nice, right? But looking back, that message was designed for white kids. It was white supremacy disguised as equality. The real message was: See the person just like you. They’re white, just like you. There are no differences.

A lot of people never questioned that lesson. They carried it into adulthood, saying things like, I don’t see color, or we all bleed the same. You’ve heard that one, right? But that’s not inclusion—that’s assimilation.

I don’t like the word inclusion. I prefer belonging. You can include someone, but do they feel like they’re supposed to be there? Do they feel like they belong? When you say you don’t see someone’s color (which is a lie—everyone sees color) or you dismiss differences with we all bleed the same, you ignore what actually matters: how someone was hurt, why they feel pain, what trauma they carry. If you refuse to acknowledge all of them, how are they supposed to feel like they belong?

One thing from my childhood that got it right? Sesame Street. That’s why I still love it. There’s a book I still read to kids called We’re Different, We’re the Same. It teaches that yes, we all have hair—that’s the same—but our hair is different. Our differences make us who we are. True empathy comes from recognizing and celebrating those differences, not erasing them.

The Stories Behind Our Bloodshed

The color of our blood might be the same, but the stories behind that bloodshed are unique to all of us. Who cut us is different. Why they cut us is different. Our access to care and the resources we need to heal, the lasting pain and trauma that cut leaves behind, and the scars it etches into us are all different. In fact, the color of our blood is the only thing we have in common, and yet it is the least important part of our stories.

The Harm of Oversexualization and Demonization

Another way marginalized people are dehumanized? Oversexualization. It happens across the board—Black men, queer people. When you oversexualize someone, you strip them of their humanity. Their sexuality becomes something animalistic. And if someone is perceived as an animal, you don’t have to treat them as a human.

The same thing happens with morality. We demonize marginalized people as sexually deviant to justify treating them as less than human. It all comes down to this: I don’t want to treat this person like a human, so I’ll find a way not to. If I frame them as a demon or an animal, I don’t have to see them as a person at all.

This is why representation and language matter. It’s not just about being seen—it’s about being seen as human.