Woman, the worst thing you can be: Dismantling Hate and Understanding How Transphobia and Homophobia Stem from Misogyny

Here’s something we don’t talk about nearly enough: the connection between transphobia, homophobia, and misogyny. It all comes back to a deeply ingrained societal contempt for women, femininity, and anything that even hints at “womanhood.”

Think about the hateful comments you hear:

• Gay men get mocked with “Why act like a woman?”

• Lesbians are criticized for not acting “woman enough.”

• Trans men are dismissed as “just women pretending.”

• Trans women are attacked for not being “real women.”

The common thread is painfully clear. These aren’t just attacks on someone’s gender or sexuality—they’re attacks on femininity. Society constantly polices it, devalues it, and reinforces the idea that masculinity is superior.

Even our so-called “casual” phrases give it away:

• “You run like a girl.”

• “You sound like a woman.”

• “Stop being such a girl.”

Phrases like that might sound harmless, but they’re not. They prop up a toxic hierarchy that treats femininity as weakness and masculinity as strength. And this hierarchy didn’t pop up out of nowhere. White supremacy and colonialism laid the groundwork, imposing rigid gender roles and tearing down more fluid understandings of gender in cultures around the world. Misogyny was a tool to keep people in line, maintain control, and protect a power structure built on domination.

When people spout transphobic or homophobic ideas, they’re not just taking a jab at individuals. They’re upholding the very systems that have always worked to demean women, control femininity, and crush anyone who steps outside colonial gender norms.

So let’s get real: if we’re serious about dismantling transphobia and homophobia, we have to confront misogyny. If we’re serious about fighting misogyny, we have to address white supremacy and colonialism. These issues are all connected, and none of us are free until all of us are respected.